(Ways Language Minimize Victimization)
Earlier this week I had a conversation with a man I’ve gotten to know over the last year by reading his posts and watching his videos. Listening to him, it’s clear he has a heart for the vulnerable. His name is Kyle J. Howard and we soon realized a mutual frustration with the way certain words are used.
Our conversation centered on the misuse of the term, “child porn”. It got me thinking that some clarity is needed.
The arrangement of these words disgusts me on so many of levels, but I will begin with this… “child porn” is not pornography, it is the RAPE of a child!
To label video/images as “porn”, implies that there is a consensual and transactional interaction. Such as an adult man or woman receiving payment to permit their bodies be recorded and viewed by other adults in consensual sexual activities.
If you ask most any adult in the US, “what is pornography?” you’d probably get this type of response; “when 2 or more consenting adults agree to be paid for having sex on camera.”
And because most Americans view pornography as a mutual, consensual transaction; maintaining the word “porn” in front of the word “child” leaves the message to our brains, subconscious or otherwise, that it is not “that bad.”
Or many take the view, well I’m not doing it, I’m just watching it.
To do this, is an attempt to use language to lessen or soften the actual effects of this crime. And that is what the sexual exploitation of children is…a CRIME!
To record a child being molested and/or raped is not consensual!
To view a child being molested and/or raped is not a victimless crime!
To view this crime, YOU YOURSELF might as well be the one raping the child. Because that is what you are doing. You are re-victimizing that child OVER AND OVER AGAIN!
So let me say this as plain as I can. To record or view the video or images of children being sexually molested and/or raped is not just watching “porn”…you are another one of this child’s rapist!
And as Kyle Howard points out, “Pornography is largely made up of sex trafficked women. Porn itself makes one an enabler of sexual assault, sex slavery, and the like…we need to redefine how we see/understand porn entirely.”
He goes on to say, “I can’t think of a time where I haven’t referred to child porn as “child rape”. In discussion & teaching, I always refer to child porn as “child rape” in some way.”
So PLEASE stop calling it “child porn”. Its child sexually exploitive videos/images.
Language is the greatest tool we have for connecting with people. Therefore, precision with language is essential. Inaccurate words not only sow misunderstanding but also dehumanize.
Language matters and the way we use words is important.
Language shapes our responses to sexual violence.
In a recent article addressing how language matters in our responses to sexual violence, discusses how words that are used to describe sexual assault can “linguistically blur rape with healthy consensual sex”(p. 11).
For example, Attorney Claudia Bayliff observes that stating that the child “performed oral sex” sounds like a voluntary act, one of mutuality, as opposed to the man “forced his penis in her mouth.” Those two constructions create dramatically different word pictures.
In addition, euphemisms such as “child pornography” or “kiddie porn” minimize the violence inherent in such acts. 1
All of us need to be incredibly careful not to use the language of consensual sex when we are describing a sexual assault.
Don’t believe me? Do you believe we are exaggerating? Why then have we stopped using certain words?
Why do we use the term “little person”, rather than the word “midget”? Ask any African-American in the USA what they think of the “N” word. A word so offensive that it won’t be completed in respectful society.
Why do we use one of the LGBTQIA designations, rather than the word “faggot”? Or ask a person with a developmental disability what they think of the word “retarded”. Are you beginning to see the point?
It’s because those words harm.
That is the point of this article. When you use the word “porn”, you diminish the effects of a crime against a child. It’s harmful and hateful.
So what is the answer? How do we correct this? Claudia Bayliff gives us some concrete, simple directions:
- Avoid using the language of consensual sex to describe assaultive acts.
- Use accountable language that places responsibility on the person committing the criminal acts.
- Help educate others about the importance of using accountable, accurate language when talking about sexual violence.
And please, stop calling it child porn!
Copyright © 2020 Together We Heal, Inc.
1) Journal of Forensic Nursing, “Patient, Victim, or
Survivor: Does Language Matter? A Conversation
with Claudia Bayliff”
April/June 2015, Volume :11 Number 2, page 63 – 65
2) Cooper C. L. How language reflects our response
to sexual violence. Perspectives, 23 (3), 10-11. (2015)
3) Janet Bavelas & Linda Coates, Is it Sex or Assault? Erotic
Versus Violent Language in Sexual Assault Trial
Judgments, 10 J. Soc. Distress & Homeless 29 (2001).
4) James C. McKinley, Vicious Assault Shakes Texas Town,
N.Y. Times, Mar. 8, 2011, at A13.
5) Jackson Katz, DSK’s Alleged Victim Should Not Be Called His “Accuser,” Huffington Post (Aug. 20, 2011), http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackson-katz/dsks-alleged-victim-shoul_b_930996.html
Healing The Dreams of A Broken Heart
Guest Blog Post By Pastor Deborah
Agape Love, Love Is Here Ministry
Hello, this is Pastor Deborah of Agape Love, Love Is Here. I am honored to be a Guest Blogger
for NAASCA. NAASCA is graciously is allowing me to provide a series of 3 Blogs for you to
read. The Series is entitled Healing The Dreams of A Broken Heart
These Blogs are a complete series of how a Broken Heart’s Dreams are healed and melt like
lemon drops. The Inspiration for the Blogs and to show the hidden spiritual revelations in a
movie, The Wizard of Oz, 1939. Starring Judy Garland and the Classic song, Over The Rainbow.
Enjoy each Blog. The Blogs Titles are 1. The Yellow Brick Road
2. The Three Companions
3. The Ruby Slippers
Each Blog is written and has a video that goes along with it. The Links are provided. Enjoy and
learn about HEALING THE DREAMS OF A BROKEN HEART.
Love Pastor Deborah
Agape Love, Love Is Here
Twitter, Linkedin and Youtube Channel of The Hidden Kingdoms
Blog Post #2
The Three Companions
The differences between Ontario’s interim sex-ed curriculum and 2015′s
Just two weeks before classes start, the Ontario provincial government has given elementary school teachers a new interim elementary health education curriculum, leaving many scrambling to figure out what they can and can’t teach.
The document stresses the importance of sexual abstinence, contains no references to consent and makes no mention of scientific names for genitalia – the words “penis” or “vagina” appear nowhere in the update. The parts of the interim plan that deal with sexual education are largely the same as the last health curriculum update, from 1998.
The following is a list of some of the differences between the sections related to sexual education in the interim and 2015 editions.
In the 2015 curriculum, students learn the names of different body parts, including genitalia, using scientific terminology (e.g., penis, vagina) as well as basic personal hygiene by the end of Grade 1.
In the interim version, by the end of grade one, students learn the names of “major” body parts, without using the names of any genitalia.
LGBT, gender identity and expression
The introduction of 2015 curriculum says teachers should always consider the needs of transgender and gender-non-conforming students.
In Grade 3, it teaches children that differences make people unique and to respect people with different skin colours, physical abilities, cultural values, gender identities, sexual orientations and so on.
In Grade 6, students learn to challenge stereotypes about gender roles, sexual orientation and gender expression, and how factors like gender identity, body image, mental health, and so on, can affect someone’s self-concept.
In Grade 7, students learn about physical and psychological factors related to decisions about sexual health, such as gender identity and sexual orientation.
In Grade 8, students learn about different gender identities such as two-spirit, transgender, transsexual and intersex, and how factors such as sexual orientation and gender identity can influence people’s decisions about sex, and that gay-straight student alliances can be sought out as support services.
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In the interim version, students learn about similarities and differences between themselves and others, such as body size and gender, in Grade 2. This version does mention gender identity in its introduction but only to flag it as a potentially challenging topic to teach. The introduction also states that students of all gender identities should feel comfortable and free from harassment. This version does not specifically mention that the topic of gender identity be taught in any grades. The word “transgender” is mentioned once, in the glossary, using the non-preferred term “transgendered.”
First Nations, Métis, Inuit
In the 2015 curriculum, students learn the basic stages of human development in Grade 2, including a teacher prompt about “teachings from different cultures, including First Nations, Métis and Inuit cultures, about the cycles of birth, life and death.”
In Grade 6, students learn how to build healthier relationships with others and themselves using skills based on First Nations, Métis and Inuit cultural teachings.
In Grade 8, students learn about the two-spirit gender identity, which is used by First Nations people to refer to someone with both feminine and masculine spirits.
In the interim version, students in Grade 4 learn about teachings of First Nations, Métis, or Inuit cultures to strengthen their relationships.
In the 2015 version, a teacher prompt urges Grade 7 students to be clear in their own minds about what they are comfortable doing, including delaying sexual activity. A prompt in Grade 8 notes that abstinence is the only way to be 100-per-cent certain about avoiding sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancy.
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In the interim version, students learn in Grade 7 about abstinence as it relates to healthy sexuality, and in Grade 8 about “the importance of abstinence.” The curriculum’s introduction instructs teachers to portray abstinence as a “positive choice.”
In the 2015 version, students learn in Grade 6 that consent is defined as “a clear ‘yes’ ”, and that anything else, including silence or uncertainty, is not consent. In Grade 7, students learn the importance of clear communication with a romantic partner about all aspects of sex, including consent. Consent is taught again in Grade 8.
The interim version does not mention the concept of consent.
In the 2015 curriculum, sharing private sexual photos of others online is described in Grade 5 as “unacceptable” and “illegal.” Asking for sexual pictures or making sexual comments online is also discouraged.
In Grade 6, a teacher prompt describes relationships kids might see online as “not always accurate.” Ending a relationship online, it says, “may not be a sensitive approach.”
In the interim version, the potential of exposure to online sexual predators is introduced in a teacher prompt in Grade 4. In Grade 7, the risks of sexting, as outlined by a prompt, include messages becoming public, being “manipulated or misinterpreted,” or costing students future relationships or jobs. The 2015 version adds negative effects to the victim’s well-being to that list.
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Both curriculae teach students about how negative actions can affect other people in Grade 5, but the 2015 version makes specific mention of online sexual harassment.
Both curriculae teach students about risks associated with using the internet in Grade 4, but in the 2015 version, “sexual predators” is changed to “people who ask you for sexual pictures.”
In the 2015 curriculum, teachers are prompted in Grade 6 to explain wet dreams, vaginal lubrication and masturbation as normal, if asked. “Exploring one’s body by touching or masturbating is something that many people do and find pleasurable. It is common and is not harmful and is one way of learning about your body,” it reads.
The interim version does not mention masturbation.
Hello Again, Pastor Deborah here of Agape Love, Love Is Here with another Blog for you wonderful precious ones who have suffered since your childhood with the devastating effects of childhood abuse and trauma. This Blog once again brings a new, yet as old as Eternity itself.
In this Blog Post, one will once again will be presented with concepts that may be unfamiliar to you and will need some research, some pondering, some thinking on and asking others many questions.
To bring Healing and Wholeness to A Broken Heart, one first must learn what part of oneself is Broken and What Realm it is in. Once one discovers what Realm the Broken Heart is in, then one can apply the appropriate Medicine from that Realm to bring Healing and Wellness.
So, go to the link to the Web site of Agape Love, Love Is Here and watch the Video and or read the Blog. Come and Be Challenged and Then Go and Ponder.
Love Always And Forever
Pastor Deborah, Agape Love, Love Is Here
Hello Everyone Again, This Is Pastor Deborah of Agape Love, Love Is Here and I Have Brought you more spiritual REVELATAIONS of Spiritual Care and It’s Role for the Healing and Restoration of the Whole Being of a Human. This Blog Post is one more deep level of spiritual Revelations that are so vital in helping people to become RESTORED, RECOVERED AND HEALED in all areas of their BEING, of Spirit, Soul and Physical Body. Each area is so precious and have been abused by abuse in one’s childhood and all need to be HEALED, RESTORED AND RECOVERED to health and wholeness.
As a Pastor, I have been trained and educated in The Fullness of what Healing, Wellness, Restoration and Recovery is for the whole being that is called a HUMAN. This area of SPIRITUAL CARE has been so misunderstood and hardly talked about at all to those who need that part of themselves to be healed and restored back to health and wellness for it has been hidden by Darkness of Ignorance to those who Need the SPIRIT TO BE HEALED AND MADE WHOLE AND WELL AGAIN. But, I have for many years been trained and educated to bring these Hidden Spiritual Revelations to the precious Spiritual ears of all and to the eyes of the Spiritual Ones of the world so A Spiritual Heart Can Believe In Hope, Agape Love and That Healing Is There For Them and It Is Here Now.
This Blog Post Spiritual Care, Looking A Little Closer At Our Hidden Self, The Spirit will add more spiritual Light/Knowledge for your spirit and it’s soul to ponder on and to mediate on. There will be more Blog Posts coming to This Blog of TOGETHER WE CAN HEAL and in the Featured Article Section of NAASCA so that all those who have been abused in childhood and are now Survivors and desire for the PEACE and HEALING to be brought to this deep level of themselves, THEIR SPIRITUAL PERSON/ THE LITTLE ONE OF THE HIDDEN REALM OF THE SPIRIT /THEIR INNER SPIRITUAL CHILD/THEIR SPIRITUAL HEART the GIFT OF HEALING and RESTORATION is Here Now, and Is Free to all. This level of HEALING AND RESTORATION is available to all the HIDDEN Ones, the Spirit You, The Real You that is CALLED AND IN NATURE THE FOREVER PERSON,
So, Read and Watch the Video and add more knowledge and light to your spirit and your soul. Freedom to be Healed is Here, Freedom To Be Restored is Here. The Gift is Free and Is Near Unto You, Even at the reading of this Blog Post.
Love Always And Forever
Hello, this is Pastor Deborah. Of Agape Love, Love Is Here again with another Blog Post for you. Come and Begin To Re-Discover The Real You, The Forever Person, The Eternal Person – The Spiritual You! Come and Begin To Meet Yourself, The You That You May Have Never Met Before and If You Have You May Not Have Known It Was Yourself.
This Blog will begin the re-discovery of the deeply hidden Spiritual You, the Forever/Eternal You. The You that has been hidden from earthly sight to all but a few, hidden in darkness without Light even for it’s own eyes, Living Yet Dead. Alive but Dead to Light and Agape Love and All of It’s Healing.
Yes, Dear One you will begin to learn about yourself from the Video Blog linked on The Blog on Agape Love, Love Is Here Web Site Of Pastor Deborah at /http://agapeloveishere.org/2019/05/spiritual-care-re-discovery-of-the-spirit-the-real-you/
Come and Meet Yourself who has always been there, on inside of the physical body. From the beginning, you the spiritual being came into the earthly world in a body of dirt that was made/built for you to be able to enter into the earthly world from out of the womb. Dirt and Dust from biological DNA of genes from a sperm and an egg. DNA that over thousands and thousands of years has been altered from their original design of beauty. Genes altered by both spiritual effects and natural effects, yet with a design to create and make a physical covering, a dirt house, earthen clothes for the REAL YOU, THE SPIRIT YOU.
The Blog Post is in both a video form and a written form. Click on the link to connect to the Video and Blog. More Blog Posts will be coming to continue to help you Re-Discover the Real You and That Real You, The Spirit You NEEDS RESTORATION, RECOVERY AND HEALING just as much as your Soul and it’s many components and your physical body do. All 3 areas of you have been affected by the abuse and trauma of childhood and it’s many forms of abuse. The Spirit You also has been deeply abused in unseen ways that are still in need of deep spiritual healing to become Restored, Whole Again, To Be Able to Love Itself Again and To Be Able To Receive Love From An Unknown Source Of Agape Love. Healing is Possible to the Spirit and There is a Road To Recovery For It as well as Comfort and Support for it as It Travels the Road to Recovery and Healing in the Realm of The Spirit.
Love Always And Forever
Hello Pastor Deborah here again with another Blog Post for you. Come and learn, read and watch Blog#2 on Spiritual Care, The Concepts of Restoration and Recovery connected to This wonderful Blog, Together We Can Heal of The National Association Of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse. In this Blog, I begin to introduce the concepts of restoration and recovery in Spiritual care. Click here to link to Pastor Deborah’s Web Site to read, listen to and watch the Blog Post#2. The Audio is also now on several Podcast Platforms to listen to or it can be watched on YouTube on the Church’s Channel entitled, The Hidden Kingdoms. The Video will also be in the web sites video library to watch.
Also, I will be uploading a Featured Article for the NAASCA homepage. The article is entitled, Spiritual Care, The Hidden Realm of Restoration and Recovery. This article will also be uploaded as a Podcast, and on the website to listen to.
Begin to ponder these new concepts of spiritual care and it’s role in restoration and recovery. Feel free to comment on these concepts that are introduced in this Blog and other ones to come as well as on the Featured Articles.
Love To All Always and Forever
You may read the blog or listen and watch the video.
Hello, this is Pastor Deborah of Agape Love, Love Is Here Church ( www.agapeloveishere.org ) from Pensacola, Florida. I have joined together With Together We Can Heal, The Blog of NAASCA as a Blog contributor. This Blog is to introduce myself to you as a Spiritual Care Professional, A Pastor who had been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Nationally Certified Clinical Mental Health Counselor as well as a State of Florida Certified Victims Advocate with The State Attorney General, but am now a non-denominational Pastor that provides personal spiritual ministry to bring about spiritual restoration, recovery and healing of the spirit, spiritual teaching, spiritual words of encouragement, spiritual crisis intervention, and many other areas that abuse of any kind has touched and affected.
I have been providing spiritual ministry to individuals since 1995 after 10 years of Mental Health Counseling in many settings. A more indepth Bio is on the Web site of http://www.agapeloveishere.org or on The Church’s Youtube Channel entitled, The Hidden Kingdoms. Also you can learn more about me on Linkedin under Pastor Deborah@agapeloveishere.
This blog is written to present to all a new concept that maybe familiar to you or brand new. There are many different terms/names for some of the terms I will be writing about here in this blog, Spiritual Care and It’s Role in Restoration, Recovery, Healing and Support.
In the fields of Restoration and Recovery of Substance Abuse and other “Addictions” Support groups, recovery and restoration, Spiritual Care has been accepted and included as an vital part of a person’s recovery. Faith based ministry and programs from all faiths have provided community support and are very integral in the recovery and restoration of a person who is healing from an substance abuse or addiction to anything. The support groups which go by many names and are usually housed in churches, houses of worship and other places of faith. These groups may go by Celebrate Recovery, Most Excellent Way, The 12 Step Programs, Teen Challenge, and Other Faith Based Programs that have successfully combined Spirituality and Treatment.
Most national Alcohol and Drug Associations as Well As those in Mental Health Areas, Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, Human Trafficking have been successful in intergrading Spiritual Care and Treatment, Restoration and Recovery.
Faith and It’s Connection To A Higher Power has been apart of many support systems for those who are seeking healing, restoration, recovery from addictions. But Spiritual Care and It’s Focus of inclusion of A Higher Power to aid and assist in the treatment, restoration and recovery of a Mental Health Diagnosis of an Mental Health Illness has not yet been accepted as an equal partner and just as vital as the Psychicatrist, The Clinical Social Worker, The Psychologist, The Trauma Informed Care Expert, The Licensed Mental Health Counselor, And The Other Professions that provide treatment for a mental health disease are.
This Blog is to help you, the reader to begin to see the value of adding this profession/ministry into your own recovery and restoration from child abuse of any kind. There are many well trained Faith Based Professional that are available to you and the fellowship and support that is given freely is vital to restoration and recovery. Spiritual Care does come from a deep level of understanding of the effects childhood abuse has on the spirit and it’s heart. To help you begin to see the value of this level of Restoration and Recovery that can be added to all the other forms is what this blog is about.
To begin with, Pastor Deborah ministers from the concept that all humans are A 3 PART BEING. Every human consists of
A Physical Body
A Soul – That has 2 parts
The Conscious Mind with all it’s components
The Sub-Conscious Mind , Which spiritually is called
-The Hidden Man of The Heart with all of it’s components
A Spirit, The Real You
That Also Has It’s Own Body and Mind, Yet it lives in another realm, the unseen spiritual realm.
There are other names for these 3 different parts and some debate if there are 3 or just 2. In spiritual care, that involves helping people with the spiritual part of the 3 part being. Some Faith Based Ministers as I am, have been trained in another area. I have much former training in the area of the soul and some in the physical body. Each profession studies and provides knowledge and treatment in one or two of the areas. A Psychiatrist has really studied the Physical Body and The Biological Brain. Some of these wonderful Drs. have also studied and are experienced in the area of the Soul, the Conscious and Sub-Conscious Mind. Then most of the Social Workers, Mental Health Counselors have studied the Soul area and it’s components and seek to bring healing, restoration and recovery in this area.
But Spiritual Care Provides Treatment, Knowledge and Healing, Restoration and Recovery in the area of The Spirit and it’s components.
When Abuse occurs to any one at any age, even in the womb, all 3 areas of a human are affected! All three areas are abused, and each area responds differently and must all be helped to heal, be restored and recover. All areas must have help, become knowledgeable, feel loved and safe, be attended to in different ways and then be allowed to slowly find the way to healing and recovery.
This first Blog post is just to introduce yourself to a new concept that needs to be pondered, discussed and learned about. When a new concept is introduced it takes awhile to understand it and to believe it and then to walk in it. There are many stories in movies that can help and many testimonies that others can give to attest to this idea that there are 3 parts of a human, the Physical Body, the Soul and The Spirit and all are effected by abuse and all 3 need to be healed, to be restored and find a path to recovery.
Thank you for reading and getting to know me, Pastor Deborah. You can look me up in more detail at agaploveishere.org – the website, on Youtube, The Hidden Kingdoms Channel, on Twitter Pastor Deborah@agapelove on Linked In At Pastor Deborah Schleich at agapeloveishere and on ITunes, Goggle Play, TuneIn for Podcasts and soon maybe on Google Play for free downloadable E-Books. I will also will writing Featured Articles for NAASCA and continue to Blog here a couple time a month.
It was a pleasure to speak to you and to introduce myself and the ROLE OF SPIRITUAL CARE in Restoration and Recovery.
I would Like to Leave you with some words of encouragement.
Words Of Encouragement For Your Heart
JUST BREATHE THE AIR OF HOPE AND AGAPE LOVE!
To Walk Each Day Begins With Just One Step Out Of A Dark Place
That Has Unseen Chains Of Heaviness.
But Before One Can Take One Step,
First One Has To Take A Deep Breath Of
Hope Is New Every Day Just As The Sun Rises In The East
Vanquishes The Night,
One Breath Of Hope Vanquishes The Darkness Of The Long Night
Is Full Of Fresh Life For One’s Heart As The Spring Rains Refresh The Earth
Help Bring Forth A New Season Of Life.
Brings Forth A New Season Of Life Even Though The Darkness Has Held Your Heart For Too Long.
No Matter The Road One Is On With A Mental Health Illness,
The Road Always Has Others On It Looking Back To See You Getting On.
See, They Are Coming Back For You, For They Will Walk This Road With You And As Spring Rains Bring Forth New Life, Allow The
That Others Bring To Your Heart To Shower You With It’s Rays
Of Hope And Agape Love
For Your Heart.
Your Heart Is Not Alone Any Longer.
Just Breathe The Air Of Hope And Agape Love!
Spiritual Care Department
Lakeview Center, Inc.
Looking With The Eyes Of One’s Heart
The Journey You Are On Will Require You To Look With The Eyes Of Your Heart.
You Must Be Able To See Past The Storms Of Darkness
The Winds Of The Tempest.
One Must Be Able To Look Beyond The Present
Into The Vastness Of The Future That Is Just On The Horizen.
If One Is Looking Out From The Center Of A Storm,
You Must Look Out With The
Eyes Of Your Heart
For Only The Eyes Of The Heart Can See Beyond The Present,
Beyond The Clouds And The Winds Of The Storm
Believe For The Future
Believing That This Storm Too, Will Pass
The Rays Of Sunshine Will Shine Again On The Heart
Bringing New Life, New Hope
New Days To Be Lived.
The Eyes Of The Heart
Everyone Has Them
Yet Many Can Not See With Them.
The Eyes Of The Heart
Can Be Blind To Many Things
When One Is Only Looking With The Eyes Of The Soul.
Love Always And Forever
My prose, was made into a song by my friend George Robertson, and Paintings by my good friend, artist Michal Madison, and the video was put together by my good friend the late Debbie Naylor Cox. We are all being a voice for child abuse…Please share to get the word out there.
Child Abuse Awareness and Sexual Assault Prevention video to show how we must speak out **Not all of these paintings of children are abused children, happy to be able to say. There are a few that are very happy, well taken care of and loved children. We do all we can to protect the privacy of those who are being abused.” All the beautiful Artwork belong to my friend Michal Madison..www.MichalMadisonArt.net/galleries.html… Words by Mary Graziano copyrighted Music and song sung by George Robertson. video put together by Debbie Naylor Cox I do own the rights to the Video and the Song
Flashbacks take us back to the past. It takes us to a place where we feel trapped. We envision the trauma that affected us so much that to us it feels so very real, as if we are reliving the abuse all over again. Visually, we see the abuse happening, we feel it in every fiber of our being, we hurt all over again.
The demons have woken up, taking over our minds again, recapturing us, removing us from the present and again taking away our self-esteem that we had started to build up.
Scared, and defeated, we often feel that sometimes we can’t come back to the present quick enough. We stay frozen, reliving over and over all the abuse that stole our innocence, or in the case of Domestic Abuse stole so much of a person’s self respect and self-worth, leaving them feeling “nothing.”
Our self-worth and self-esteem have been destroyed, leaving us vulnerable to the demons who destroyed it. We often cannot break free of the flashbacks, whether it was one flashback in particular, or more than one.
We need to realize that the flashbacks that consumed us are not going to hurt us any more. We need to let it come, realize it is there, and then say “Ok, you can now leave, you can’t hurt me any more, I am now free of you. You were my demon, but now you are NOTHING.”
Remember to always be kind to yourself as you are healing, Remind yourself that you are worth so much, that you are a loving person, a beautiful person, one who has survived abuse, one who is now free from the abuse that invaded your body, mind and soul,,,,.Don’t let the demons who abused you win…make them small, so that they can’t hurt you any more..You are the winner, because you came through the abuse whether it was from childhood abuse, or Domestic abuse, we are all winners, we are all SURVIVORS!!
Mary Graziano ©2012 edited November 18, 2018
THE FORGOTTEN CHILDREN
We need to be the voices for children everywhere,
alone, abandoned, with bruises, it seems
like no-one cares.
Their abusers keep them silent with threats,
their bodies shake, feelings kept inside themselves
their smiles, they always fake.
Words that hurt so deeply destroys their self-esteem,
shame they feel inside themselves, in their minds i
s where they scream.
Secrets so deep & never to be told they live
it every day, these are the forgotten children
let’s scream out, let’s shout & pray.
Pray that we can save them from a life of
horrendous abuse, to set them free & guide them
it’s up to us, there’s no excuse.
Each day one child will die alone from their wounds
inside and out, scars so deep, with bodies broke
from the abuse, there is no doubt.
Remember all children everywhere, protection
is what they need, broken, alone so frightened
from the abusers dirty deeds.
I write these words, for all children small
for that little girl in me, silenced then,
but not any more, I will shout out to
help set them free.
Prose by Mary Graziano © 2012
Watercolour painting by my
incredible friend Michal Madison www.michalmadisonart.com
by believing you can make something work and are willing to think positive, you can find a way to make it work.. believe & trust in yourself, anything is possible. We control how we think, never let another take that away from you. Become more positive in how you think, even if you think it won’t work, keep saying it over and over to yourself. Always believe in yourself, love yourself enough to believe this. Trust yourself. mg©2018
Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate or aggressively dominate others.
Children are bullied at school, on the playground, on the way home or to school, on school buses. They often hide it in fear of retaliation. Children need to know that it’s okay to tell someone they trust. Fear keeps them a prisoner within themselves. They lose self-esteem, love for themselves, believing that they must deserve what the bully dishes out to them. They often withdraw inside themselves, keeping to themselves, and sometimes thinking suicide is the only way out.
Kids who bully others use their power over someone either by physical strength, intimidation, using fear to control another.
As adults we must give children clear and consistent messages. Telling them how to relate to another person in a positive and healthy way. Kids need to learn how to stand up for themselves and others. Fear keeps kids silent, Let’s speak up, help stamp out bullying.
You are in control of your happiness. How you perceive things changes your whole mindset. You get to choose, choose happiness. You have the power!
Never live with self doubt. Embrace what makes you special, not what others think you should be. Find your own purpose in life. Your soul is unique to you alone.
Don’t complicate your life by worrying about every little thing., Smiling can change your mindset. There is always a reason to smile, you need to find it, and pass it on!
Preventing child sexual abuse starts with a strong foundation from parents and caregivers. By knowing, teaching and modeling appropriate behaviors, we help our children develop healthy understandings of sexuality and consent. One of our favorite resources is from Stop It Now!http://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-content/what-is-age-appropriate
You must have kindness & love for yourself, first & foremost. If you don’t how do you expect to show kindness & love to another?
When we feel happy inside, the world seems like a wonderful place. Everything seems to be in perspective. We seem to be in a better mindset, a more positive place. Being happy is a choice, your choice, either you find your happy place, or be in a negative place. You choose!!!
Sometimes that flame inside us retreats to a flicker. Allow it to burn brightly again by chasing your dreams, Let the passion come alive again. Be positive, never let others doubt you.
Child abuse must stop…we must try to help the precious children by getting this message out. I made this with various pictures, some pictures made by Michal Madison Art with writings by Mary Graziano. Other various pictures…Please feel free to share…big hugs
Everyone needs to be a part
of ending violence, injustice
inequality against women.
To end the silence of abuse.
Together, we are stronger, becoming
one voice, sending a message to the world
to say we matter, helping to end
the silence that “yes, it happened to me too.”
Our differences make us who we are.
What’s on the outside is not important.
We bleed the same no matter the colour
of our skin, what gender we are,
who we truly love.
Together we can help change
how women are viewed in a world
that needs to learn about diversity.
To look beyond all dissimilarities.
Let’s stand together, united.
Prose by Mary Graziano©2016
Revised January 21, 2018
Beautiful watercolour portraits
by my wonderful friend
DREAMS OF TOMORROW
Fight for the freedom
of all innocent children
their dreams are shattered
they’re so very confused.
That spirit that once was,
gone forever, their lives so crumbled,
prisoners they are of abuse.
Dreams they envision race through
their minds, wishing to fly free
and be away from the torturous monsters,
they are not human they went too far.
Dreams scattered, now unreachable,
too much sadness to an innocent child.
They feel they are lost forever by the
secrets that can’t be told,
alone, afraid of the monsters
who intimidate and have a hold.
Help free the innocent children
so their dreams will forever shine.
Help to create a world that is safe, secure
and free from abuse of any kind.
Prose By Mary Graziano©
January 18, 2013
Revised January 20, 2018
Watercolour by my incredible friend
Mary Shared Michal Madison Art
How many of us have had to face the monster alone? No one to help squash that fear. We were living as a child of abuse, living day to day facing the monster, many, waiting in bed at night, knowing that door would slowly creak open, and our worst nightmare would again come true. How many children today are facing their own monsters, have no where to turn as we did? Today Child abuse for the most part is out in the open, but that hideous monster does still live, often behind closed doors. Still kept a secret.
We need to be open to children, let them know that they are not alone, that they can tell someone, not keep it a secret. We need to gain a child’s trust. They may have been told that if they tell, they or others in the family will be hurt, that in itself will often keep a child silent. Talk to your children so that they don’t fall victims of abuse through family members, through someone at school bullying them, etc. Let’s speak out against child abuse of any kind, not turn a blind eye to it because it doesn’t affect your child, it affects someone’s child, and that is one child to many.
We as adults, can help put the monsters away, so that there is one less child cringing in the doorway. Help stamp out child abuse…..m.g. ©2018
Always look for the positive in a negative situation. You can find one if you look deep enough. Don’t let the negatives take away from feeling good inside & out. Rise above it, finding a positive can change how you see things & feel. It’s so much more healthier for you. Your mindset seems happier, and all this helps keep your blood pressure down, resulting in better health. Negativity feeds off of negativity. Try to keep away from negative minded people. They will only bring you down, and the spiral will continue. Being positive, lightens your heart, your whole outlook changes. Be positive, create happiness within yourself, and in that of others. mg/2017
Speak Up! Show True Love! Be the Voice of the Children who are Trapped by Lies, who don’t know the real meaning of Love!
Together we can make a difference!
poem by Mary E Graziano
art by Michal Madison
Your potential IS limitless. You are able to achieve so much if you believe in yourself, believing in the power you have within. You can do so much with your life by never giving up on yourself. Listen to your inner voice. Believe in it. You are worth too much to just give in to a negative mindset. Prove to yourself how capable you are. You are strong, you have resilience to push forward to achieve & reach your dreams. You have the potential & it is limitless. Don’t let anyone take that away from you…….mg…