Affirming Ourselves

By Mary E Graziano



Our abusers had to have control to keep us from telling. As a small child we believed whatever they told us.

We were just children living in an adult world of deceit, lies, and the feeling of always being afraid.

If you are an incest survivor as I am, I found the love I was seeking from my father, because I never received it from my mother.

 My father was the kind one who never hit me and showed me love, but the wrong kind, but as a child I didn’t realize it.

I knew what he did didn’t feel right, but I didn’t stop it, and as I got older I blamed myself because I didn’t say no, I didn’t tell.

How does a child tell? We were small, innocent. We had no control over what was done to us.

Now as an adult we must understand that we were NEVER to blame, no matter what!!!

This is where the affirmations come in. We need to affirm ourselves.

Telling ourselves, “It’s ok, I was not to blame, I was that small child who had no voice.”

We must love that small child “Our Inner Child” because she/he is waiting for us. Waiting to be for that affirmation.

Tell her/him that you love her/him., That she/he is now safe. She/he may not hear you at first, but if you keep talking to her/him,

little by little they will start to trust you. Remember the “inner child” in us has been locked up inside for years.

Mine has been for almost 45 years because for one thing I didn’t even know that she existed in me.

Not until I started to do some Inner child work with my therapist. At first I thought it was silly and crazy to talk to yourself.

But, that is how we reach her/him, by becoming that child again. Getting on the floor. Playing with toys, colouring.

Going for a swing. Do everything a child would want to do but couldn’t because she/he was too afraid.

The abuser held us captive, a “trophy” for his shelf so to speak. Our little selves were so scared, that all we could do is cope.

Anyway that helped us to try and gain control. But, often times it failed.  We often chose the wrong pathway; we held it all inside of us.

That is something I did for almost my whole life. AS a child I was quiet.  Anything done to me either sexually by my father or my mother’s cousin.

Done emotionally and physically by my mother, I carried all the hurt inside. Only for myself to feel. It was my secret.

I didn’t know how to say kind things to myself. Would often hate myself, wishing I was dead. Hated being adopted into this family.

This was all I knew. Only negative.  No kind thoughts.

But, we need to tell ourselves that we are good. We need to love ourselves. To say “I love me, I am good, God loves me.

So I must be a good person, because God doesn’t make junk.”

Telling ourselves over and over that we are worth all there is to live for.  We want to live and leave our past behind.

Especially if we want to heal inside.

As we are healing, the negativity we feel will often come out. We may feel that we are making no progress.  We just want to give up.

Saying “What’s the use, I don’t care anymore.”

We need to care. Care for our little selves who is too afraid to speak out.

Affirmations are a very positive way of getting out the feeling of loving ourselves.

Don’t be afraid to say all the positive things that you never heard as a child.

You’re stupid……………………..say, no I am not, I am smart, God gave me a greatbrain to learn with

You are ugly………………………say no, I am beautiful inside and out

You are lazy………………………say No I am not lazy

You are good at nothing………Say I have a lot of good qualities inside of me, I amcaring and loving

These are some of the affirmations you could say to yourself, of course there are many more. But say them  every day, and you will start believing it.

When you finally believe what you are saying, then your healing journey is beginning. We can’t change if you don’t start the healing process.

I was stuck in time for so many years, that I found it too hard to change. I lived my childhood doing as I was told, always pleasing, but inside I was hurting.

But no-one could see it, only me. As an adult, I kept that buried; not revealing my secret to my husband until about 15 years ago.

What a relief I felt inside like the world was lifted from my shoulders.

If there is someone you can tell, tell them. Let it out. This is another start to your road in healing. Don’t hide from yourself.

Above all make YOU number one. You are the important one in all this.  You and your small inner child that is locked away deep inside.

When you send affirmations to her, you are affirming yourself also. Being negative will only drive you deeper into the world of self pity.

You will always be “stuck.” The past will always control you. I am willing to let go and be more positive. To live, how about you?

Do you want to be stuck in the past? Do you want the past to rule your everyday life?

I hope you can answer No to this. Be positive; affirm yourself and that little child in you.

Healing is a long journey, but so worth it. For me, it has taught me so much. Has taught me who I really am.

That I can control my life now, although sometimes I fall back two steps and must re-affirm. But that okay, it will get better.

Your life is your destiny. Take control of it. Release yourself and that inner child inside of you.

Tell yourself that you are going to be ok, you are loved, and are an important person.

Take that control away from the abuser.  Show them that we are in control and we love ourselves above everything else….

I hope that this helps you in your journey to heal and affirm who you are…God Bless!!!!

Written by Mary Graziano

Copyrighted 2012

Revised September 28, 2015©